


Walk You Home?

by ant_king



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkwardness, Coming Out, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, like not a lot but this is tsukki we're talking about, maybe?? im not really sure if this is angst or not, the most homophobic gay man ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26752978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ant_king/pseuds/ant_king
Summary: “So.” Tsukishima pushes up his glasses again, to buy himself another fraction of a second to work out whatever the hell he was supposed to say. “Girls, huh?” He finishes lamely, clasping his hands tightly. Perhaps he could cut off his blood flow, and miraculously die so he didn’t have to be here anymore.aka Tsukishima gets the wrong end of the stick and it leads to the world's most awkward conversation.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 219





	Walk You Home?

**Author's Note:**

> lol basically me projecting onto tsukishima for a bit,,, pls enjoy lol
> 
> also if u see the tense change randomly no u didn't <3
> 
> (i'm not sure if it does or not bc i'm awful at spotting those kinds of mistakes lolol)

“Hey, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi fiddles with the cuff of his sleeve. When Tsukishima looks up at him properly, he thinks he looks almost... nervous. He can’t think of any reason _why_ Yamaguchi could be nervous though. This was a fairly normal Wednesday afternoon for them, as they were sitting cross-legged on the floor of Yamaguchi’s bedroom, doing homework quietly, occasionally engaging in conversation. They did this all the time, and Yamaguchi had long since abandoned any anxiety about being in Tsukishima’s house.

He pushes up his glasses, as though the adjusted vision would help him figure out what was going on with Yamaguchi. “Yeah?” He asks in response.

“Have you ever felt, I dunno, different?” Yamaguchi asks, and he looks like he wants to sink into the floor. He looks exactly how Tsukishima _feels_ in this situation. Because of _course_ he’s felt an almost painful sense of otherness that he wasn’t quite ready to name, ever since he was in middle school. Around the time that all the other boys decided that maybe girls weren’t so gross after all, and started developing their first crushes. Tsukishima rationalised, and still rationalises that his disinterest in crushes is because they’re lame. No other reason.

“You’re going to have to be clearer, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima drawls, in stark contrast to his heart, that insists on beating against his ribs like a jackhammer. Perhaps Yamaguchi is about to say something perfectly ordinary, and Tsukishima can get on with his life, pretending that this never happened. That his thoughts never verged on anything dangerous here. 

“Ah, well, what I mean to say is-” Yamaguchi panics, as he clearly hasn’t thought this far into the conversation. Tsukishima simply waits for him to be ready, steadily ignoring the uncomfortable feeling akin to _hope_ that blooms in his chest. “Well, all the other guys on the volleyball team talk about girls, or, more specifically, girlfriends, _constantly_.” He waves his hands as he speaks, as if that could possibly help Tsukishima understand whatever the hell he was saying. 

_Girls? Girlfriends?_ None of it made any sense to him. He puzzles over it for a few more seconds, and understanding dawns. Yamaguchi must think it weird that they don’t talk about girls. He probably wants to talk about one right now, and is trying to find a way to bring it up in his convoluted Yamaguchi-way of speaking. Tsukishima thinks back on their conversations with horror. Not once have they _ever_ spoken about girls. His stomach sinks as it somehow feels like incriminating evidence, even though he isn’t sure what crime he’s committed. It’s definitely disconcerting. 

“So, do you want us to talk about girls too?” Tsukishima asks. _Please say no, please say no, please say no_ , his heart implores with every thud against his ribs. 

“What?” Yamaguchi cocks his head. “No? Unless you want to of course! Then we can totally talk about girls!” Yamaguchi laughs awkwardly, and Tsukishima feels like he’s missed a target that was inches away from his face. 

“I thought _you_ wanted to.” He says, slowly and emphatically. “Since you brought it up.”

“Oh! Well, uh, yes! That is exactly what I was talking about!” Yamaguchi’s grin has some definite plasticity to it, but Tsukishima doesn’t comment on it. He feels like he’s lost his grip on reality by this point. 

“So.” Tsukishima pushes up his glasses again, to buy himself another fraction of a second to work out whatever the hell he was supposed to say. “Girls, huh?” He finishes lamely, clasping his hands tightly. Perhaps he could cut off his blood flow, and miraculously die so he didn’t have to be here anymore. Something about talking about _girls_ with _Yamaguchi_ just rubbed him the wrong way.

“Yes.” Yamaguchi nods in a way that could, extremely loosely, be described as sage. “Girls.”

An awkward silence blankets the room. Neither of them can find any words. 

“I suppose… that boobs are nice.” Tsukishima stares resolutely at the _Star Wars_ poster on the wall behind Yamaguchi. He regrets every single major life event that led to him blurting out the word “boobs” in the middle of the world’s most awkward conversation.

“Yes.” Yamaguchi nods again, as if he is seriously weighing Tsukishima’s words. “They’re very… round.”

“Mhm.” Tsukishima is, yet again, at a loss for words. “Round.” He repeats, as if he’s saying the word for the first time. 

“Girls also have nice faces.” Yamaguchi utters into the resounding silence. Tsukishima has no idea what he means.

“Yes.” He agrees, because he has to. “They have eyes.” At this, he wants to pluck his own eyes out of his skull so he never has to see the look of sheer bewilderment on Yamaguchi’s face ever again. 

“They do.” Yamaguchi muses. Tsukishima does not want to spend another minute trying to name more features that girls have, so he checks his phone, rolls his eyes in the way he only does when he gets a text from Akiteru, and stands up.

“I have to get home now.” He stretches, his gangly limbs stiff from being contorted by both his position, and his terrible posture, for so long. 

“Oh.” Yamaguchi looks disappointed briefly, but Tsukishima decides he must have been projecting, because there was no _way_ that Yamaguchi actually _enjoyed_ their trainwreck of a conversation. “I can walk you home, if you want?” He asks.

_Walking you home? Isn’t that, like, a couple thing? It’s weird for a guy to walk another guy home._

Tsukishima obliges, because he’s a pathetic loser who can’t begrudge Yamaguchi anything, and it makes him just a little bit happier to watch Yamaguchi’s expression brightening in real time. He pushes down the feeling of otherness that swells in him once again, as he imagines a brief snapshot of his future, where a hand, calloused from jump float serve drills, rests in his, and tugs him forward towards his house. Perhaps, when they reach Tsukishima’s gate, the freckled face would slowly get closer, until chapped lips brush against his icy cheek, the freckles nudging gently against his glasses. 

He chalks these odd thoughts down to his mind being frazzled by the awkward conversation, and Yamaguchi’s sudden request to walk him home. Just because he envisioned Yamaguchi, because who else could those freckles belong to, walking him home in a couple-y way, doesn’t mean that he actually _wants_ that. 

The walk to Tsukishima’s house is short, but the cold wind is merciless, their only heat source being the warmth that radiates off of each other. They walk closely, and Tsukishima feels like he’s being burned every time Yamaguchi’s elbow brushes his. Though he’s desperate to, he doesn’t pull away. 

They don’t speak, scared to try and follow their abysmal attempt at “guy talk”, in case they somehow did something _worse_ , and soon they reach the gate that separates Tsukishima’s front garden from the street. He pointedly does _not_ think about how at this point, Yamaguchi would lean in to kiss him.

“Bye Tsukki! See you tomorrow!” Yamaguchi waves cheerfully, as he turns to head back to his own house. Tsukishima just waves. He’s too afraid that he’ll blurt out something idiotic if he even dares to open his mouth. 

He takes off his shoes once he enters his house, and walks upstairs to his bedroom. He shuts his door carefully, so that it will make noise if anyone opens it, and then flings himself on his bed. 

_What on earth was wrong with him?_

The aching otherness rears its ugly head again, and he doesn’t stop it. There’s no need to keep up appearances now. He’s alone. No one will see him lower his walls for just a little while. It’s safe.

He’s forcibly reminded of the way he felt when he was ten, and all the boys in his class huddled together, talking in proud, yet hushed, whispers about the girl they had a crush on. He remembers how he thought it was a waste of time, that girls surely weren’t appealing enough to warrant _that_ much discussion. He slaps a hand across his face when he realises that his exact thoughts had been _“I’d rather go catch bugs with Tadashi anyways.”_

They’d used each other’s first names when they were younger, before Yamaguchi settled on “Tsukki”, and Tsukishima decided it was weird that they did that. That kind of intimacy was usually only reserved for girlfriends, was his take on it. He curses his ten year old self for choosing Yamaguchi over girls. Now he’s stuck with a head full of confusing thoughts. 

He then thinks about the cruel glimpse into the future his brain had granted him earlier. He told himself that his brain was just confused, and that he didn’t actually want that scenario to play out with Yamaguchi, per se, he was just used as a stand-in because he was there, and they were about to walk home together.

He presses his hands into his eyes until he sees stars. He refuses to acknowledge that the stars remind him of Yamaguchi’s freckles. He tries to rewrite the date scene, but with a girl. He mentally apologises to Yachi, the only girl his age he was remotely close to, as he uses her as a stand-in instead. 

As the unwritten rules of dating decree, Tsukishima would have to walk Yachi home. This means that the imaginary scenario _already_ differs from the previous one. Secondly, without ever feeling Yachi’s hands in his own, he knows they’d feel too small. He wants to hold someone's hand, not engulf it. The next difference was that he’d probably have to initiate any kind of physical contact, that’s what guys are supposed to do, right? Kiss their girlfriends? He highly doubts that it sounds like so much of a chore to his girl-obsessed peers.

Earlier, he had thought that he didn’t _want_ the events of the daydream to be true. He couldn't have been more wrong. He wants it so badly that the sheer weight of his feelings threatens to squeeze tears out of the corners of his eyes.

Tsukishima Kei, for the first time in his life, _yearns_. 

He hates it.

He hits his pillow a couple of times, as if it will make this god-awful _yearning_ stop. Predictably, it doesn’t. He decides that this is entirely Yamaguchi’s fault. If he hadn’t been so unwaveringly _nice_ to Tsukishima, if he hadn’t carved out his own special place in his heart without him even noticing, if he hadn’t come along with his stupid suggestions of walking Tsukishima home, he would never be feeling like this. 

Without Yamaguchi, he could live his life believing the flimsy lie that he was straight, even though he talked about girls as if he’d jumped straight to the flirting section of duolingo without doing any of the other lessons first, and he never would have felt like he was on the brink of an immense _change_. 

Then again, a life without Yamaguchi would be unendingly dull. Who else would he watch documentaries with and make fun of the factual inaccuracies to? Who else would listen to him ramble on and on about dinosaurs and paleontology without tiring? Who else would hold such a vice-like grip over his heart, to the point where he would gladly follow Yamaguchi to the ends of the earth, because it meant spending more time with him?

Ugh. _When did he become such a sap?_ He asks himself. _When he decided to develop feelings for Yamaguchi._ The unhelpful part of his brain replies.

And if Yamaguchi is a boy, then that means that Tsukishima… likes boys? 

He groans as he remembers his first meeting with Kuroo Tetsurou. Yep, he definitely likes boys.

He shoves away the embarrassment that creeps up his neck in the form of a hot flush as he remembers the way he _stared_ outright at Kuroo when he first saw him. He is suddenly very surprised that everyone still thinks that he’s straight. 

This presents another problem. Should he tell people? He knows his family well enough to know that telling them is _not_ a good idea. His mother is excitedly waiting on grandchildren, even though Tsukishima is only 16, and the idea of Akiteru ever meeting anyone who would be willing to have kids with him is laughable. His father scoffs audibly at news coverage of pride parades, or anything even remotely _gay_. Akiteru is still the classic jock archetype, despite his years of highschool volleyball being firmly behind him. 

His friends, maybe? Well, “friends” was being a bit generous. “Teammates'' was perhaps more appropriate. None of them had ever been particularly vocal about this kind of stuff, probably because uttering the word “gay” even somewhat near a school is a death sentence. Unless you’re saying it in a derogatory way of course. The third years probably wouldn’t give a shit, he knew he was their least favourite, so they probably wouldn’t care about it at all. Tanaka and Nishinoya were so aggressively straight that there’s no way they would be anything other than weird about it, so he probably shouldn’t tell them. When it came to Hinata and Kageyama, he’d always privately wondered if there _was_ something going on between the two of them. He’d joked about it many times, but he did genuinely wonder occasionally. He supposes that this was yet another glaring neon sign to indicate his un-straightness that he should have noticed. Straight guys don’t typically wonder if two of their male friends are in a relationship. 

And then his thoughts grind to a halt when they reach Yamaguchi. Based off of his downright desperate attempt to talk to Tsukishima about girls, it was clear that Yamaguchi was not, in fact, gay. He grimaced at the pain that shudders through him at the thought. It’s not like this is unexpected, so he doesn’t know why it hurts him so much. Perhaps if Tsukishima tells him, Yamaguchi would put two and two together, and he would figure out that Tsukishima has weird feelings for him, and that he’s a disgusting freak who likes his best friend in ways he shouldn’t. 

He shakes his head. All this self-deprecation isn’t getting him _anywhere_ , and he needs to sleep so that he can wake up at an ungodly hour of the morning so he can be ready for Yamaguchi to drag him to morning practice. 

He shuts his eyes firmly. Predictably, his eyelids do not shut out the images of Yamaguchi leaning in to kiss him, as Tsukishima leans against his front gate. He settles in for a long night. 

The next day, he rises from his pathetic four hours of sleep, and fumbles around for his school uniform. He pulls it on sleepily, piece by piece. First his trousers, and last, his tie. He remembers that Yamaguchi never actually learned to tie his tie properly, he just asked Tsukishima to do it for him once, and then he loosened and tightened it as he needed. Tsukishima wonders idly if the knot in Yamaguchi’s tie now is the very same one that he tied with trembling hands on their first day at Karasuno, or if he has somebody else who ties his tie. He realises he’s being stupid for getting jealous over something as trivial as a _tie_.

Curiously, the time at which Yamaguchi would knock on his door to collect him comes and goes, and there is no sign of Yamaguchi. There’s no text from him either, which is weird. Yamaguchi _always_ gives him a heads-up if he’s going to be out sick.

Tsukishima decides to head out to volleyball practice on his own, perhaps he’ll meet Yamaguchi there. He toys with the idea of skipping practice because Yamaguchi isn’t there to beg him to go, but he decides against it, in case Yamaguchi is already at practice. If he was, he would pester Tsukishima about his absence later. 

Eventually, he arrives in the clubroom to get changed. He scans the room quickly, and there is no Yamaguchi to be seen. Weird. 

“Hey Tsukishima!” Suga grins cheerily from his place next to Daichi. “D’you know where Yamaguchi is?” He asks.

“No.” Tsukishima answers curtly, and heads to his corner of the room to get changed.

The mystery of the missing Yamaguchi is solved just seconds later, when everyone in the clubroom receives a notification from the Karasuno volleyball club group chat.

_yamaguchi: i just wanted to tell you guys_

_yamaguchi: i’m bisexual_

Tsukishima stares at his phone in shock, and so does everyone else in the club room. No one utters a word. The tension is palpable. 

Tsukishima feels _responsible_ , like he’s _supposed_ to say something because Yamaguchi is _his_ best friend. But anything even close to adequate evaporates instantly. How do you respond to someone doing the very thing that you yourself are afraid to do? And in doing so, how do you not give yourself away, by coming across as _too_ supportive? 

He’s genuinely baffled as to why Yamaguchi would volunteer this information to everyone. Did he not hear word “gay” being thrown around like the worst insult in the whole world? Did he not hear the unrepeatable words that people spat out so casually, so often? Why wasn’t he afraid?

Tsukishima receives his answer when his phone begins to vibrate with the responses of his teammates. 

_daichi: thank you for telling us. We’re all very proud of you :)_

Very captainly. Straight to the point, speaking for everyone.

_suga: waahh!!! well done yamaguchi!!!! so cool of you!!!_

A regular excitable response from Suga. Yamaguchi might as well have messaged the chat that he was winning a game of mario kart.

His eyes were drawn away from his screen by Hinata loudly whispering, if it could even be called that, to Kageyama. His “What does bisexual mean?” was heard by everyone in the room. He might as well have shouted it. Kageyama turned deep red, as if Hinata was a troublesome child who had repeated a swear word loudly in public without knowing the meaning. He whispered back, properly, so no one could hear his response.

Tsukishima trunks back to his screen. His keyboard taunts him. He still doesn;t know what to say. Thankfully, or maybe not, he is saved by Daichi, who claps his hands to attract everyone’s attention. 

“So it appears that Yamaguchi isn’t in today because of this message.” Daichi glances around the room sternly. “But when he comes back, I want you all to treat him with utmost respect. Just because he’s-” Daichi’s image of leadership is shattered as he fumbles over the word.

“B-bisexual.” Suga adds in for him, flushing deeply at the mere utterance of the word.

“Yes, that. Just because he’s _that_ , I don’t want anyone in here to treat him differently. Karasuno volleyball club is not homophobic.” He declares proudly. Tsukishima bites his tongue to keep himself from pointing out that by referring to Yamaguchi’s bisexuality as “ _that”_ Daichi was already acting weirdly. He understands why Yamaguchi took the day off. Seeing this happen in person would have been too much. 

He looks down at his frustratingly empty drafted text to Yamaguchi. When he looks up again, he’s face to face with Suga. 

“What?” He raises an eyebrow. He feels like he was starting to get an idea of what to say before Suga approached, and therefore distracted him.

“I just wanted to check up on you. You haven’t said anything since you walked into the room.” _Since that text_ is what Suga is really implying, and Tsukishima doesn’t like his tone.

“How is that any different from normal?” He asks drily. He can see Suga getting frustrated with him. He sort of enjoys it. 

By this point, everyone else has filtered out into the gym. They are the only two people still in the clubroom. “You know exactly how it’s different!” Suga hisses, and glances down at Tsukishima’s phone, that’s still in his hand.

“Look. If you’re here to be a good ally or whatever, and to lecture me about homophobia, you’re wasting your breath. I truly do not care if Yamaguchi is bisexual or not.” He sighs. This is only half a lie. A performative lecture about homophobia _is_ entirely unnecessary, as Tsukishima himself was a (newly realised) gay, _but_ Tsukishima finds that he cares very deeply that Yamaguchi is bisexual. It means that all of the terrifying realities that he dreamed about can’t just be confined to a small, shameful corner of his head and be denounced as fiction, because they have the potential to be _real_.

Tsukishima has always preferred non-fiction to fiction.

Suga seems satisfied by his answer, and he backs off to join the others in the gym.

Tsukishima doesn’t follow him. Instead, he turns out of the clubroom, and speeds away from the school in the direction of Yamaguchi’s house. He doesn’t even care to lie to the school nurse in order to get dismissed the proper way. This is almost certainly his first ever unauthorised absence. 

At last he stands in front of Yamaguchi’s front door, shivering as the chill of the Autumn air finally catches up to him. He’s only wearing his practice clothes, after all. He curses himself for wearing his practice clothes. His mad dash to Yamaguchi’s surely warranted him looking nicer than, well, this.

He rings the doorbell, and after a pause he hears footsteps coming down the stairs. Undeniably, those were Yamaguchi’s footsteps. Tsukishima recognises them easily after so much time spent waiting outside this door. 

“Oh! Hello Tsukki.” Yamaguchi looks surprised to see him. He _is_ supposed to be at school right now. 

“Hi.” Tsukishima says. He’s slightly out of breath, as if the sight of Yamaguchi had been enough to rob him of air, even though it was definitely caused by the walk-sprint hybrid that brought him to Yamaguchi’s house.

“So, what is it?” Yamaguchi mumbles. He sounds dejected. 

“I, ah, uhm-” Tsukishima has never sounded so uncool in his life. “I suppose I should start from the beginning. Yesterday, you asked me if I ever felt different from the other guys, who all talk about girls, and I wanted _so badly_ to say yes, but saying that kind of thing has a consequence, so I waited to see what you meant. I think I got it wrong, though, because it led to a piss-poor attempt to seem interested in women, because I thought you were. I mean- you are interested in women, but you also like guys, which makes a difference because it means you aren’t _straight_ -”

He realises he’s rambling at the sight of Yamaguchi’s eyebrows receding into his hair. “Anyways, what I mean to say is, that uh, I’m gay.”

“Oh my god.” Yamaguchi groans. “I can’t believe I _agonised_ over that text this morning for it to turn out this easy. _I_ thought _you_ wanted to talk about girls, so I chickened out of coming out then, when really _neither_ of us wanted to talk about girls, so we could have avoided that dumpster fire of a conversation this whole time.”

Tsukishima fiddles with the hem of his t-shirt. He figures that one more risk was worth a shot. He’d already gambled the thing most precious to him (his relationship with Yamaguchi) by coming out to him, and it had been totally fine. Perhaps for once in his life he should push his luck.

“Ah, there’s more.” He keeps his eyes firmly on the fabric twisting around in his grasp. “I- I have feelings for you.” He doesn’t dare to say anything else.

He hears a sharp intake of breath from Yamaguchi, and suddenly he is tackled in a bone-crushing hug. After a few seconds, he feels something wet on his shoulder, and he realises that Yamaguchi is _crying_. He awkwardly pats Yamaguchi on the back, to try and console him. He isn’t sure if it works or not.

“Oh, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi practically wails. “I l-like you too!” It takes Tsukishima a moment to realise that he’s heard him correctly, and then without warning, Yamaguchi’s face is right in front of his own. “Can I kiss you now?” Yamaguchi asks, and Tsukishima nods embarrassingly vehemently.

At first, Yamaguchi has some trouble navigating Tsukishima’s glasses, but he soon figures it out, and their lips press together at last. It’s not the best kiss ever, since neither of them are particularly experienced, but Tsukishima loves every second of it. 

After a while, they pull back for breath, and they spend the rest of the day in Yamaguchi’s living room, kissing, and laughing as Tsukishima recounts the events of the clubroom. 

Eventually it grows dark outside, and Tsukishima resigns himself to the fact that he has to go home. 

“I’ll walk you!” Yamaguchi springs up too, and grins brightly. 

Just like in his fantasies, Yamaguchi’s rough palm connected with his, and he dragged them both down the street towards Tsukishima’s house. Even though it’s a cold evening, the warmth from Yamaguchi’s hand more than makes up for it. 

When they reach his house, Tsukishima notes that the lights are all off. “My parents must be out.” He shrugs. He would have missed their text message as he was too preoccupied with kissing Yamaguchi. 

“If they’re out, then it's okay to do this?” Yamaguchi looks up and down the street, verifying that it is empty save for them, and then he leans in towards Tsukishima. He peers down at Yamaguchi’s approaching freckled face, as the other boy leant in to kiss him on the cheek. 

Now he can say for certain, that the real thing is _much_ better than his daydreams.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! 
> 
> ily all and i hope u have a good day :))


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